All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
You took a bar mat shot.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
