he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
