I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
