Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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