Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Mom said you looked used
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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