They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
