I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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