But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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