I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
