the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
