i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
