dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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