The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
