Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
