Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
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