ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
