You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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