Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
