First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
They have beer where we have blood.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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