Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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