so explain again why im purple
no
Nicole vs. Life
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
