idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Randomize
