yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
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