well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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