whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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