I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
