WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
