I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
