she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
