she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
