the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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