i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
