she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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