If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
