Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Michael Bay diarrhea
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
