plz talk dirty to me
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Randomize
