can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
