dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
