If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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