I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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