This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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