the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
