mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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