I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
