I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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