It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
