Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
