Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
