i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
