The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
