Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
