She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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