Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
