she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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