i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
